The Big Stink by David Lubar

Author:David Lubar
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Tom Doherty Associates

12

Horsing Around

Just when I figured my body was about to be crushed like walnut shells on the football field, Mr. Lomux, of all people, said, “No way.”

Every head in the class turned toward him. “He’s my hero,” Mookie whispered. “I’ll never try to make his veins pop again.”

But our rescue didn’t last very long. “My kids need to earn the right to play yours,” Mr. Lomux said. “We’ll play fifth against fifth, and eight against eighth. The winners will play on Friday. Okay—choose up sides. Mort, Steven, you’re captains.”

As we waited to get picked, I knew two things: Whichever eighth-grade team had Ridley would win, and whichever fifth-grade team had to play against him on Friday would do more than just lose—they’d get broken into pieces. Especially me.

“I’ll take Ferdinand,” Mort said.

“I’ve got Dilby,” Steven said.

Everyone, including Ferdinand and Dilby, froze for a moment. Then I realized what was happening. Mort and Steven both wanted to lose.

“This is amazing,” Mookie said as the picking continued.

“It’s like Opposite Day,” I said. The kids who always got picked last—and I knew all about how that felt—were getting picked first. I’d lost my spot as last-pick right after I became half-dead, so I got scooped up in the middle.

I ended up on Mort’s team. “Nobody score,” he said as we huddled.

“We have to do more than that,” I said. “We have to make sure they score.”

“I’ve got that covered,” Mort said.

He took the hike and threw a hard pass right at Adam, who was on the other team. As the ball hit Adam in the chest, he clutched at it. Then he stared in horror. But Mort rushed over and touched him before he could drop the ball. We’d managed to turn it over on the first play.

Steven took the snap, then dropped the ball. Everyone stood there.

“Play!” Mr. Lomux screamed. “Start playing or you’ll do five thousand push-ups every class for the rest of the year.”

Seven veins bulged on his shiny bald head.

Both sides tried to make it look like we were playing for real, but we were all trying to lose. Finally, around the middle of the period, Mort got a great idea. He stood way back, took the hike, then dashed the wrong way and fell down in our end zone.

He didn’t need to be touched. In our gym-class rules, a play ended if the ball carrier hit the ground. The other team scored a safety. We were down two to nothing.

Of course, on the next play, the other team did the same thing, tying the score at 2–2. With a long shotgun hike, there was no way anyone could catch the quarterback before he reached the wrong end zone.

It was our turn again. That was good. I realized, since our side had thought of it first, we’d either win or tie, depending on when the period ended. Things were looking up.

“Time out!” Mr. Lomux screamed. He stormed over to Mr. Scotus and started talking.

The girls, who were resting after running laps, were watching us.

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